My best writing is done in review of crappy products

I sit basking in the glow of a computer monitor. Inspiration is just a few keyboard strokes out of my grasp. Nothing. Silence reverberates throughout my skull. I’ve tried meditation and could not achieve this level of a mind clearing stupor. And now that I want ADD riddled thoughts I cannot generate anything worth hearing.

Maybe the problem is in the planning? Or it could be that I truly have nothing worth saying!

I do know this: sell me a worthless piece of shit product, give me poor customer service or badger me to rate/review and I am an endless stream of creative angry writing. Amazon has refused to publish some of my replies to their nonstop begging for reviews of the most mundane products I’ve purchased from them or their minions.

I’m sorry but the carrying case that I purchased to put my mouthguard in, so it doesn’t mingle with my jockstrap, doesn’t really deserve a 20 word review and, certainly, much less “The ideal length of 75 to 500 words”. Not characters, words! I don’t think I could come up with between 75 to 500 words to describe my wife in she is the most important person in my life.

I, Captain Funky Junk, simply do not have it in me to say something THAT nice about the movie “Martian Child”. It was a mildly decent movie. See?!? Six words. That’s really all it deserved.

At least “Yelpers” love me.


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